my head hurts

im still not employed. and i want to move away. i want to move closer so i dont havr to drive anymore. i just dont feel like im capable of anything, i dont try to take care of myself at this point so how am i supposed to wow interviewers with my good charms (if they ever get past automated emails). how will my depression and my transition and my mask wearing make me read to customers, will i seem unfit for any position? my weak body no good for warehouse. ill keep trying to apply. any food based work is too fast paced for my floaty brain, despite my want to cook and bake and learn how to further those skills. everything that is expected to work with is all fast paced. i dont have any diagnoses that might grant me accomodation. psychiatrists and therapists are out of pocket. i could table at art markets but id have to be less depressed to even make the art.

my brain and my moods are as floaty as ever. nothing of any substance. i have options but they suck, i could remain forever stagnant but its clearly not working. whatever. i have to drive a long distance by myself. im scared, but its an oppportunity to see a good friend thst i wont often have. i just feel utterly useless. ill pull myself together hopefully before the 22nd. and thrn hopefully just make it thru november.

i have a bunch of furbys im gonna try to sell those. it wont be enough for any crazy life change but idk itll be something. i blew all my savings for nothing. whatever. i want to save up for an apartment, and i still need a credit card to even have credit to even get an apartment. i forgot about that.

anyways, this is my journal i felt like my brain would shut down if i didnt vent somewhere. sorry for making it public, a classic cry for help i suppose. but ill be okay, i just hate it. my head hurts. nothing to be helped but stupidly going forward, writing it all down is a good reminder.

xP

also i watched hocus pocus, did i ever add a link to my letterboxd here? well, i didnt makea review for it or the sequel but its the obvious "sequel wouldve had potential but its disney and is bogged down by references to the much more popular source material"

hmmm

i accidentally ate a spoonful of Bad milk w cerreal, but then had regular cereal and miilk, doing better today. i hate cover letters and resumes!!!! but im going to try to write a cover letter for this barn staff job U_U would b nice! to get an interview at least! bwehhhhhhhhhhh

this just in:

posting is kind of awesome ^_^!!!

wild how fast my mood changes when i just type words aukjsdhf

i need to drink water!!!

expression really is the opposite of depression. ever you feel in a depressive spiral going Badly, even if nothing gets better letting out the feelings can make brain less evil feeling *has been in bad brain spiral every other week*

anyways im scared of doing stuff tomorrow but i think itll be okay, and i still need to figure out how to get first aid certified! bwahhhh *hopeful*