Rox

i love emotional ups and sdowns yayyy, still no luck w jobs but im gonna try to just push to tabling at art markets for Soemthing, watching cooking recipe videos and not having the extra cash to splurge on ingredients is SAD!!! oo and rewatched Childs Play the original, love that movie, forgot how creepy chucky is in it!

also i had like two edible gumies last night and its so funny cause 1 is barely anything but two is woaahh... im a piece of shit stoner smh!! asjkdfh, i think i prefer less though and it just made me really want like medication for making my brain focus More (cause it certainly made my brain focus LESS!!)

also surprisingly ive been getting way into Life is Strange, cause a random streamer i follow just happened to be playing the second game when i chose to check his stream! i love tragic and dramatic stories, and the movie like style of these type of games is entertaining for my brain when i dont wanna focus on heavy gameplay :] and it turns out that the second game was on a huuuge sale so like 6 bucks!! im playing it now w my siblings but terry finds it stressful LOL makes sense xP. im a huge sucker for sad psychic powers, and since i have the first game cause of steam family share ill probably go back and check it out :o! i havent seen anything about that game in like ten years so i have only fuzzy memories of the events and stuff, im in the mood for melodrama!

ive been doing a lot of volunteer stuff, kinda in the cycle of Doing a Bunch in a small amount of time and then having to sit in the house for a week lol, but i hope that having T prescription back will help w mood/energy xP! less than a week now :D!! and then i still gotta actually set appointments for like a family family doctor woops! i feel like im at a constant snails pace but its something at least!

hope u all've been doing okay, staying warm, eatin yummy foods and bein hydrated! the video i found on how to make shawarma at home w/o rotisserie is sooo tempting me, being able to make it whenever i would be unstoppable!! wats smthn yummy you lvoe to eat but have never cooked urself/want to be able to cook? food awseome yaaya :D

i have no time or energy to type any posts that arent like five sentences loosely strung together. just wanted to mention that im doing good and im trying my best, and im happy to interact with the world around me, and i wish that talking to people and navigating layers of different circumstance wasnt so hard and felt so much like reducing my ability to reach my friends hearts as it were? idk... but i am happy to be doing what i can i just wish that there was more i could do, or that i knew how to do what i feel like i have to do...

blehhhh, i love volunteering but job still no go, blehhhhh

ill see if i have pictures of art n fun stuff for next post !!

It is frustrating endlessly that all of the things that i want to do either are or feel like they are stuck behind a like... prerequisite? Everything i want to do and feel desperately in need of are all tied up in whether or not i can get a job, and some of them directly affect my ability to be employed. it feels like a self defeating spiral, with no clear end in sight. it all depends on the invisible benevolence of some HR person deciding to interview me, and even that i could very easily mess up...

Anyways, i wish that therapy was covered under OHIP more extensively at least, i wish that my U.S. prescription for hrt didnt need to be represcribed and then put on a now 5 months waiting list, i wish that apartments werent expensive, i wish i wish i wish.

I especially wish that i had the focus and clarity of mind to be as dedicated to one thing as i feel i need to to actually be productive. I hate doing just bits and pieces of things, never getting to see a fully fleshed out image of my passion and potential coming to fruition. But it all feeds into eachother...

Anyways, im stuck, so is like everyone around me, and it doesnt feel like it ever ends but it does sometimes. It was raining gently out, there were people at the community fridge and i helped out. The clouds were pretty and the air was fresh. And my cat Panther was chilling with me for a moment :] and i still need to buy clay...

i dont know anything about website creation/decoration! i have tried to do very veryyy basic ccs or whatever it was on other websites such as subeta and flight rising, the occasional gifs on my artfight page. i will probably do the same thing here! i love gifs and embedded images on profiles :D

I also need to continue getting better at being not good at doing things!! The last couple of days have been pretty damn stressful, all in different ways, and my fear of failure kind of compounded the effects ">_>... I want to keep doing things but the more new things i try and do means the more i will fail or just kinda mess up, and thats okay!! Always good to do something :]

also i don't know what this font is on the post creator but i really love it, i wonder how i can make it the font in my main page theme? it makes the smiley faces especially awesome ^_^

i really want to bike more, my knees hurt and i gotta see if more or less moving them will help!! also my bike is so sososo awesome i will see if i can take a shitty picture and put it on here somewhere :]

uhhh, drink water, eat a snack, listen to a good tune!!