gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2025-05-28 01:48 pm
Entry tags:

Hows It Goin?

I've been really busy doing multiple different volunteer things, overloading and overwhelming myself and subsequently falling into a rhythm of doing A Lot of things for a couple days and then Absolutely Nothing for a couple of days. I've started trying to twitch stream again recently, mostly because job search is horrible and whether or not I can make any money (or more hopefully raise money for other ppls fund needs), I'm gonna b playing random games for hours by myself usually anyways so streaming it is barely any different.

I've been trying to draw more again, my tablet is playing badly with CSP so i lose pen pressure or just pen being usable At All, its annoying but ive made stuff im happy with

-I accidentally pressed enter and it posted the post LMAO,

Anyways, if u see this maybe think of checking out some of this music ive been listening to recently! I've been burning more cds and taking advantage of bandcamp friday, thers so many people out in the world makin art its incredible!!







(this artist is gonna be doing a concert i can actually go to, and might in September!! ^_^)
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2025-01-10 12:50 pm
Entry tags:

jan update

its meee hi!! i hope evyerone is doing OK enough, i will probably end up trying to use a different website for main blogging purposes, i want to make a more.. comprehensive blog space that is Also more central to everyone i am trying desperately to keep track of and contact with in some form U_U and this site as cool as it is is really off the radar.... its not easy to use as a Main Space as is :(

ive been doing Ok, still got me hrt yay :] and still volunteering *trying to be in a place to be able to do more* still job searching, oo so happy about getting a family doctor tho and hopefully getting on the track towards therapy *still have to pay out of pocket but GOD my brains a mess*

i made my room Slightly more habitable, its actually got shelving!!! ^_^ so long Big Piles in the middle of my room, hello bookshelf and cat shelves :]!!

i still havent been drawing as much as id like to, but ive made some doodles im quite proud of :D

besides for this little diary post of things ive been up to/thinkin about/feelin wahtever, i will also send picture of doodle :)

doodle of a cat with blobby stick figure body and large head holding a blunt. her eyes are pink and her cheeks are puffed out as if she is holding the smoke in

(i still badly want to make little clay things but my adhd/dissosiaction/ literally all parts of my brain kind of just Not focuising on that rn akjsdghf)
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-12-07 11:28 pm

(no subject)

i have a bluesky, with the same name here, i still really like this site but my brain has been too scattered to make any form of post, much less regularly checking one of like 4 social media sites im on. ive been doing ok and have been on my new prescription of hrt for 1 month ^_^b visited awesome friend, and trying really hard to get a job lol. i hate resumes still, i hate it all and none of it makes sense to me its like Bad. also farscape is a show that exists, look it up and possibly hate or love it
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-11-21 12:32 pm

(no subject)

i know i could make these private, but at that point i might as well use my notes app. idk im just venting my stupid thoughts and uselessness out loud in a random website is nice for some reason. i have to go do stuff now, somehow
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-11-21 12:30 pm
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-11-06 03:32 pm

(no subject)

made a bluesky now so its gendercatalyst w no underscore and whatever, im only gonna use it to follow ppl. i hate posting except on here anyways. i hope to continue trying to get things done thst i want to do and like always continue despite it all and because it all.

lalalalalala

my brain is empty but i did fold laundry and immm gonna see if i can do my own t shot or smthn well see :]
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-11-05 06:04 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

yayyy yayy yyaaaaayt yyyaaayyy yay i didnt have any issues yaaay yaaayayyayayayayy ^_^

three 1 ml empty vials of testosterone cypionate surrounding one 10 ml vial of testosterone cypionate. there is a skeleton face down on the table behind them. the lighting is vivid blue.

(i took. a picture of the new vial with all my old ones cause i honestly didnt expect it to be that much bigger ! the box it came in was actually smaller lol. i smile )
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-11-05 08:28 am

yay yay yopee

lalalala, im excited i should b able to pickup my hrt today ^_^ the pharmacist was nice !! and will call me to let me know if i can pick it up or if i have to ask my doctor to send the info right !! but either way yay yay! and i can walk to the pharmacy if i rlly wanna (its windy today so.... well see)

i got a biig puffy jacket yesterday from apparently the oldest thriftstore in town, was awesome and chill. i like going places and doing things. im gonna pick up more volunteer things again and continue on and try to do more things and get things done!!

oh yea i also have to work on my trigun reanimated parts LOL xP!

it sun sets so late i got tired rlly fast and went to bed at 11 and woke up at 7 :o im hungry!! good morning everyone :]!!
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-11-03 11:33 am
Entry tags:

lalalala

ive been playing life is strange 2 for the first time ever, i love and heartbroken by the sibling dynamic ;__; and replaying life is strange 1 and playing captain spirit for the first time ever. i love dramatic sad stories with powers U_u!

also my hrt doctor appointment is tomorrow, i am nervous and it is the only thing i am currently looking forward to. after it happens i feel like this urgency to snap everything else back in place, feel like ive been out of commission for a month...

edit: i posted early cause i didnt realize pressing Enter on my phone would post lol.

...anyways, i have a ton of stuff i Should and Could do and it drives me crazyy, my brain forgets to do anything that isnt on a computer so it all gets pushed aside as if it doesn't exist as an option its infuriating x,P !!!

also i was in too much pain to go to the zine fest yesterday SAD!! o well u_u ill try to make it to things noe that im gonna b back on hrt xP
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-31 12:28 pm

(no subject)

my boy hurts
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-29 07:24 pm

(no subject)

i like typin a lot, but i wish i knew how to talk. i just simply dont feel like a person! whatevrrrr- cleans my room
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-29 12:53 pm

lalala!!

i love emotional ups and sdowns yayyy, still no luck w jobs but im gonna try to just push to tabling at art markets for Soemthing, watching cooking recipe videos and not having the extra cash to splurge on ingredients is SAD!!! oo and rewatched Childs Play the original, love that movie, forgot how creepy chucky is in it!

also i had like two edible gumies last night and its so funny cause 1 is barely anything but two is woaahh... im a piece of shit stoner smh!! asjkdfh, i think i prefer less though and it just made me really want like medication for making my brain focus More (cause it certainly made my brain focus LESS!!)

also surprisingly ive been getting way into Life is Strange, cause a random streamer i follow just happened to be playing the second game when i chose to check his stream! i love tragic and dramatic stories, and the movie like style of these type of games is entertaining for my brain when i dont wanna focus on heavy gameplay :] and it turns out that the second game was on a huuuge sale so like 6 bucks!! im playing it now w my siblings but terry finds it stressful LOL makes sense xP. im a huge sucker for sad psychic powers, and since i have the first game cause of steam family share ill probably go back and check it out :o! i havent seen anything about that game in like ten years so i have only fuzzy memories of the events and stuff, im in the mood for melodrama!

ive been doing a lot of volunteer stuff, kinda in the cycle of Doing a Bunch in a small amount of time and then having to sit in the house for a week lol, but i hope that having T prescription back will help w mood/energy xP! less than a week now :D!! and then i still gotta actually set appointments for like a family family doctor woops! i feel like im at a constant snails pace but its something at least!

hope u all've been doing okay, staying warm, eatin yummy foods and bein hydrated! the video i found on how to make shawarma at home w/o rotisserie is sooo tempting me, being able to make it whenever i would be unstoppable!! wats smthn yummy you lvoe to eat but have never cooked urself/want to be able to cook? food awseome yaaya :D
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-21 05:56 pm

i need to drink water!!!

expression really is the opposite of depression. ever you feel in a depressive spiral going Badly, even if nothing gets better letting out the feelings can make brain less evil feeling *has been in bad brain spiral every other week*

anyways im scared of doing stuff tomorrow but i think itll be okay, and i still need to figure out how to get first aid certified! bwahhhh *hopeful*
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-21 02:06 pm

this just in:

posting is kind of awesome ^_^!!!

wild how fast my mood changes when i just type words aukjsdhf
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-21 01:40 pm

hmmm

i accidentally ate a spoonful of Bad milk w cerreal, but then had regular cereal and miilk, doing better today. i hate cover letters and resumes!!!! but im going to try to write a cover letter for this barn staff job U_U would b nice! to get an interview at least! bwehhhhhhhhhhh
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-21 12:24 am

xP

also i watched hocus pocus, did i ever add a link to my letterboxd here? well, i didnt makea review for it or the sequel but its the obvious "sequel wouldve had potential but its disney and is bogged down by references to the much more popular source material"
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-21 12:24 am

my head hurts

im still not employed. and i want to move away. i want to move closer so i dont havr to drive anymore. i just dont feel like im capable of anything, i dont try to take care of myself at this point so how am i supposed to wow interviewers with my good charms (if they ever get past automated emails). how will my depression and my transition and my mask wearing make me read to customers, will i seem unfit for any position? my weak body no good for warehouse. ill keep trying to apply. any food based work is too fast paced for my floaty brain, despite my want to cook and bake and learn how to further those skills. everything that is expected to work with is all fast paced. i dont have any diagnoses that might grant me accomodation. psychiatrists and therapists are out of pocket. i could table at art markets but id have to be less depressed to even make the art.

my brain and my moods are as floaty as ever. nothing of any substance. i have options but they suck, i could remain forever stagnant but its clearly not working. whatever. i have to drive a long distance by myself. im scared, but its an oppportunity to see a good friend thst i wont often have. i just feel utterly useless. ill pull myself together hopefully before the 22nd. and thrn hopefully just make it thru november.

i have a bunch of furbys im gonna try to sell those. it wont be enough for any crazy life change but idk itll be something. i blew all my savings for nothing. whatever. i want to save up for an apartment, and i still need a credit card to even have credit to even get an apartment. i forgot about that.

anyways, this is my journal i felt like my brain would shut down if i didnt vent somewhere. sorry for making it public, a classic cry for help i suppose. but ill be okay, i just hate it. my head hurts. nothing to be helped but stupidly going forward, writing it all down is a good reminder.
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-15 02:37 pm

helooo!

im sososo tired still!! my stickers turned out super well :]!! im not sure if its a good idea or not for me to show it atm and i dont wanna edit every picture i have (location info x,P??) but i also am not that careful about that stuff in general so idk >_>

but anyways! i want so badly to figure out more cds to burn: playlists or just albums in general :] i just keep forgetting because of *vaguely waves hand around* it all! i also want to draw more/make more stickers/continue working on my trigun reanimated part, etc.

i made french toast today!! it went good :] precious is very sleepy and fluffy and enjoying the sunny spot right next to my desk as always.

i ate a bit too much and i want to go biking but have to wait for a bit to be able to get my bike outta the garage cause of my dad!! and i got a new electric toothbrush but its charging weird and im worried it wont work x,P!!

and so on and so forth, i hope u see something cool like a fun bird or a weird trick of the light and get some joy out of the whimsy of the world etc etc.

im excited also i might not have mentioned that i have an appointment coming up beginning of next month, i will be getting back on hrt!! very excited honestly, i feel like itll make dealing with everything else day to day much easier, maybe even give me energy to do more things in the day!!

still looking for jobs, have been slacking a bit cause of lots of volunteer stuff but i keep hoping the library will answer the millionth email ive sent x,P. anyways, i wish it was easier to make brains happy!! hope ur brain lets u b happy today, or at least content!!
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-09 05:50 pm

Hope ur havin a Good day!

i have no time or energy to type any posts that arent like five sentences loosely strung together. just wanted to mention that im doing good and im trying my best, and im happy to interact with the world around me, and i wish that talking to people and navigating layers of different circumstance wasnt so hard and felt so much like reducing my ability to reach my friends hearts as it were? idk... but i am happy to be doing what i can i just wish that there was more i could do, or that i knew how to do what i feel like i have to do...

blehhhh, i love volunteering but job still no go, blehhhhh

ill see if i have pictures of art n fun stuff for next post !!
gender_catalyst: a brown tortoiseshell cat. she is sitting on concrete. her head appears closest to the camera and she is looking down (Default)
2024-10-08 07:58 pm
Entry tags:

bwa!!

ive been so busy and unable to post at all woops! i went ot library and they have this biiig sticker machine and a embroidery machine and ltos acool stuff gonna try to make stickers bla bla bla im tired waough